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Oh golly, what a fun morning with Mrs Hunter’s and Mr Menzies’ P3s from Neilston Primary! Once we’d done a bunch of action rhymes we did a few riddles, and then we moved on to writing not one but two poems! As their topic is the Ancient Egyptians, we started a pyramid-shaped Egyptians kenning that the classes will continue…



Were We?

Pyramid builders

Pharaoh worshippers

Slave drivers Intestine removers

Mummifiers Nile Navigators Driving

instructors Hieroglyphic inscribers tbc! ….


our tombs

read our inscriptions

we were of course The

A N C I E N T    E G Y P T I A N S ! ! !

For our second poem we did an animal action rhyme, based upon my own Happy Poem from my book ‘Hey, Little Bug!’


(Untitled – final title yet to be decided!)

Happy as a hippo

Yappy as a dog

Jumpy as a bunny

Hoppy as a frog


Cheeky as a monkey

Scratchy as a cat

Squeaky as a hamster

Flappy as a bat


Pecky as a chicken

Buzzy as a bee

How many animals

Can you see?


It’s ONE for hippo

TWO for the dog etc 

Yet another delight was watching Mrs Hunter’s class sitting at their tables reading my books. As a writer this is something I never ever see and was a magical moment – made even better by Georgia reading my poem ‘Caterpillar?’ out loud and then Cara reading my poem ‘How To Turn Your Teacher Purple!’. Lovely readings too.

Just as we were leaving Joe the photographer from Barrhead News came to take photos.

And then for a grand finale, the P3s performed the hokey cokey, Ancient Egyptian stylee! Just brilliant! A pyramid-size thank you to Mrs Hunter, Mr Menzies and the two P3 classes, it was such a fun morning.


You just know you are about to experience something out of the ordinary when the house opposite the school you are due to visit (that’s Lochfield Primary by the way) has not a garden gnome by the front door but a garden Viking…

I have done literally thousands of performances to the P4-P7 age group over the last 12 years but this afternoon’s session I will remember for a very, very, very, very long time. P4-P7 you are a UNIQUE audience. An exceptional audience. And I mean that in a very positive way. You listened. You responded. You joined in. You also did a Guinness Book of Records-style performance of my poem ‘What To Say If You Meet A Ghost?’ It only has one word – in the shape of a ghost, and it’s…

‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ –

and P4-7 did it at maximum, ear-splitting volume for about 45 seconds. My ears (three hours later) are still ringing…Then, at the very end of the show was their impromptu polyrhythmic clapping along to my flamenco-style guitar piece, Twango.

The pinnacle of the afternoon had to be Amy, Rachel and Kimberley’s stunning  performance of my ‘What Did You Do At School Today?’ poem. Look out Royal Shakespeare Company! But seriously, it was quite brilliant and I literally had to force the tears back into my eyes. It was well-paced, it was loud, it was clearly very well rehearsed. Well done you guys, you should be very proud of yourselves.

Oh yes, the shape poem displays were also fantastic – featuring a dog, a cat, a monkey, a crown, a troll, a sword and a cake…to name but a few. Here’s a taster from Amy’s poem…


Mrs Brown ruled the town.

Upon her head a crown.

But one thing that makes us all frown

Is the fact that she is a clown.

A GIGANTIC thank you to Mrs Renton, all the teachers and P4-P7s of Lochfield Primary for such a thrilling time. It was a real hoot!

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