Donnie Maroot’s Awful Jokes

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As we have posted previously, Donald MacLeod, Scottish Friendly’s head of actuarial (alias Donnie Maroot) will be attempting to beat the world record for most jokes in an hour next month on 5th March at his local pub, The Park Bar in Glasgow.

To give you a foretaste of what to expect, here are a selection of jokes culled from Donald’s first publication, ‘Donnie Maroot’s Awful Joke Book’.


  • Who is the most courteous Hollywood film star?
    T Hanks
  • What’s a rodeo rider’s least favourite drink?
  • Couldn’t get a game on the giant’s snooker table.
    There was a massive cue.
  • What’s an actuary’s favourite book of the Bible?
  • Thought about buying a pair of venison steaks for tea tomorrow.
    Turns out they were too dear.
  • Went looking for a pair of camouflage shorts yesterday.
    Couldn’t find them anywhere.
  • Had a very painful experience in the bathroom.
    Turns out it was a meteor shower.
  • Couldn’t believe I went swimming in Egypt, but I was just in denial.
  • Bonnie Prince Charlie’s favourite margarine?
  • My local librarian got terribly sunburnt today.
    He’s well red.
  • Tried mixing oxygen and potassium.
    It was OK.
  • Pretty knackered after arriving in Tehran.
    I ran.
  • Friendliest road in Scotland?
  • My last Volkswagen cost me a mint.
    It was a Polo.

You can read more about Donald’s record breaking attempt here.

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